# LANGUAGE translation of https://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/know.your.sysadmin.html # Copyright (C) YEAR Free Software Foundation, Inc. # This file is distributed under the same license as the original article. # FIRST AUTHOR , YEAR. # #, fuzzy msgid "" msgstr "" "Project-Id-Version: know.your.sysadmin.html\n" "POT-Creation-Date: 2020-07-06 13:55+0000\n" "PO-Revision-Date: YEAR-MO-DA HO:MI+ZONE\n" "Last-Translator: FULL NAME \n" "Language-Team: LANGUAGE \n" "Language: \n" "MIME-Version: 1.0\n" "Content-Type: text/plain; charset=CHARSET\n" "Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit\n" #. type: Content of: msgid "" "Know your System Administrator - GNU Project - Free Software Foundation " "(FSF)" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h2> msgid "Know your System Administrator" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "(A field guide)" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "There are four major species of Unix sysad:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ol><li> msgid "" "The <b>TECHNICAL THUG</b>. Usually a systems programmer who has been forced " "into system administration; writes scripts in a polyglot of the Bourne " "shell, sed, C, awk, perl, and APL." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ol><li> msgid "" "The <b>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST</b>. Usually a retentive drone (or rarely, a " "harridan ex-secretary) who has been forced into system administration." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ol><li> msgid "" "The <b>MANIAC</b>. Usually an aging cracker who discovered that neither the " "Mossad nor Cuba are willing to pay a living wage for computer espionage. " "Fell into system administration; occasionally approaches major competitors " "with indesp schemes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ol><li> msgid "" "The <b>IDIOT</b>. Usually a cretin, or old COBOL programmer selected to be " "the system administrator by a committee of cretins, and old COBOL " "programmers." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h3> msgid "HOW TO IDENTIFY YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Low disk space" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk usage, " "maintain a database of historic disk usage, predict future disk usage via " "least squares regression analysis, identify users who are more than a " "standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the offending parties. " "Places script in cron. Disk usage does not change, since disk-hogs, by " "nature, either ignore script-generated mail, or file it away in triplicate." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts disk usage policy in " "<code>motd</code>. Uses disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling " "development work. Locks accounts that go over quota." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>MANIAC:</i>" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# cd /home\n" "# rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`;\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>IDIOT:</i>" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# cd /home\n" "# cat `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{ printf \"%s/*\\n\", $2}'` | " "compress\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Excessive CPU usage" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes a suite of scripts to monitor processes, " "maintain a database of CPU usage, identify processes more than a standard " "deviation over the norm, and renice offending processes. Places script in " "cron. Ends up renicing the production database into oblivion, bringing " "operations to a grinding halt, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts CPU usage policy in <code>motd</code>. " "Uses CPU quotas. Locks accounts that go over quota. Allows no exceptions, " "thus crippling development work, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# kill -9 `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# compress -f `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> New account creation" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes perl script that creates home directory, " "copies in incomprehensible default environment, and places entries in " "<code>/etc/passwd</code>, <code>/etc/shadow</code>, and " "<code>/etc/group</code>. (By hand, NOT with passmgmt.) Slaps on setuid " "bit; tells a nearby secretary to handle new accounts. Usually, said " "secretary is still dithering over the difference between ‘enter’ " "and ‘return’; and so, no new accounts are ever created." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts new account policy in " "<code>motd</code>. Since people without accounts cannot read the " "<code>motd</code>, nobody ever fulfills the bureaucratic requirements; and " "so, no new accounts are ever created." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> “If you're too stupid to break in and create your own " "account, I don't want you on the system. We've got too many goddamn " "sh*t-for-brains a**holes on this box anyway.”" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# cd /home; mkdir \"Bob's home directory\"\n" "# echo \"Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f\" > /etc/passwd\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Root disk fails" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Repairs drive. Usually is able to repair filesystem " "from boot monitor. Failing that, front-panel toggles microkernel in and " "starts script on neighboring machine to load binary boot code into broken " "machine, reformat and reinstall OS. Lets it run over the weekend while he " "goes mountain climbing." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Begins investigation to determine who broke " "the drive. Refuses to fix system until culprit is identified and charged " "for the equipment." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM:</i> Rips drive from system, uses sledgehammer to " "smash same to flinders. Calls manufacturer, threatens pets. Abuses field " "engineer while they put in a new drive and reinstall the OS." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM:</i> Rips drive from system, uses ball-peen hammer " "to smash same to flinders. Calls Requisitions, threatens pets. Abuses " "bystanders while putting in new drive and reinstalling OS." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>IDIOT:</i> Doesn't notice anything wrong." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Poor network response" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes scripts to monitor network, then rewires " "entire machine room, improving response time by 2%. Shrugs shoulders, says, " "“I've done all I can do,” and goes mountain climbing." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts network usage policy in " "<code>motd</code>. Calls up Berkeley and AT&T, badgers whoever answers " "for network quotas. Tries to get xtrek freaks fired." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and waits for " "connections to time out." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# compress -f /dev/en0\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> User questions" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Hacks the code of emacs' <code>doctor-mode</code> to " "answer new users questions. Doesn't bother to tell people how to start the " "new “guru-mode”, or for that matter, emacs." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts user support policy in " "<code>motd</code>. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he gets " "a chance, often within two weeks of receipt of the proper form." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Screams at users until they go away. Sometimes barters " "knowledge for powerful drink and/or sycophantic adulation." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>IDIOT:</i> Answers all questions to best of his knowledge until the user " "realizes few Unix systems support punched cards or JCL." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Stupid user questions" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Answers question in hex, binary, postfix, and/or " "French until user gives up and goes away." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Locks user's account until user can present " "documentation demonstrating their qualification to use the machine." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# cat > > ~luser/.cshrc\n" "alias vi 'rm \\!*;unalias vi;grep -v BoZo ~/.cshrc > ~/.z; mv -f ~/.z " "~/.cshrc'\n" "^D\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>IDIOT:</i> Answers all questions to best of his knowledge. Recruits user " "to system administration team." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Process accounting management" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Ignores packaged accounting software; trusts scripts " "to sniff out any problems & compute charges." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Devotes 75% of disk space to accounting " "records owned by root and <code>chmod</code>'ed 000." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>MANIAC:</i> Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Religious war, BSD vs. System V" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> BSD. Crippled on System V boxes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> System V. Horrified by the people who use " "BSD. Places frequent calls to DEA." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Prefers BSD, but doesn't care as long as HIS processes run " "quickly." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# cd c:\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Religious war, System V vs. AIX" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Weeps." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> AIX—doesn't much care for the OS, but " "loves the jackboots." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full well how much " "Big Financial Institutions love IBM…." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>IDIOT:</i> AIX." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Balky printer daemons." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Rewrites lpd in FORTH." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts printer use policy in " "<code>motd</code>. Calls customer support every time the printer freezes. " "Tries to get user who submitted the most recent job fired." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all the " "print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a hour from " "cron." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp &\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> OS upgrade." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Reads source code of new release, takes only what he " "likes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Instigates lawsuit against the vendor for " "having shipped a product with bugs in it in the first place." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# uptime\n" "1:33pm up 19 days, 22:49, 167 users, load average: 6.49, 6.45, 6.31\n" "# wall\n" "Well, it's upgrade time. Should take a few hours. And good luck on\n" "that 5:00 deadline, guys! We're all pulling for you!\n" "^D\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Balky mail." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Rewrites <code>sendmail.cf</code> from scratch. " "Rewrites sendmail in SNOBOL. Hacks kernel to implement file locking. Hacks " "kernel to implement “better” semaphores. Rewrites sendmail in " "assembly. Hacks kernel to …" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts mail use policy in <code>motd</code>. " "Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that " "people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# kill -9 `ps -augxww | grep sendmail | awk '{print $2}'`\n" "# rm -f /usr/spool/mail/*\n" "# wall\n" "Mail is down. Please use interoffice mail until we have it back up.\n" "^D\n" "# write max\n" "I've got my boots and backpack. Ready to leave for Mount Tam?\n" "^D\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "# echo \"HELP!\" | mail\n" "tech_support.AT.vendor.com%kremvax%bitnet!BIFF!!!\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "<b>SITUATION:</b> Users want phone list application." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk. Users give up " "and go back to post-it notes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Oracle. Users give up and go back to post-it " "notes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way God meant " "man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back to post-it " "notes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "% dd ibs=80 if=/dev/rdisk001s7 | grep \"Fred\"\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "Typical root <code>.cshrc</code> file:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the output of a " "perl script, rewrites itself." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Typical lines include:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "umask 777\n" "alias cd 'cd \\!*; rm -rf ching *hack mille omega rogue xtrek > /dev/null " "&'\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>MANIAC:</i> Typical lines include:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "alias rm 'rm -rf \\!*'\n" "alias hose kill -9 '`ps -augxww | grep \\!* | awk \\'{print $2}\\'`'\n" "alias kill 'kill -9 \\!* ; kill -9 \\!* ; kill -9 \\!*'\n" "alias renice 'echo Renice\\? You must mean kill -9.; kill -9 \\!*'\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>IDIOT:</i> Typical lines include:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "" "alias dir ls\n" "alias era rm\n" "alias kitty cat\n" "alias process_table ps\n" "setenv DISPLAY vt100\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "Hobbies, technical:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest. Optimizes " "INTERCAL scripts. Maintains ENIAC emulator. Virtual reality." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Bugs office. Audits card-key logs. Modifies " "old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Listens to police " "band." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs office. Edits " "card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone " "conversations. Jams police band." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>IDIOT:</i> Ties shoes. Maintains COBOL decimal to roman numeral " "converter. Rereads flowcharts from his salad days at Rand." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "Hobbies, nontechnical:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Drinks “Smart Drinks.” Attends raves. " "Hangs out at poetry readings and Whole Earth Review events and tries to pick " "up Birkenstock MOTAS." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Reads Readers Digest and Mein Kampf. " "Sometimes turns up car radio and sings along to John Denver. Golfs. Drinks " "gin martinis. Hangs out in yuppie bars and tries to pick up dominatrixes." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>MANIAC:</i> Reads Utne Reader and Mein Kampf. Faithfully attends Dickies " "and Ramones concerts. Punches out people who say “virtual " "reality.” Drinks damn near anything, but favors Wild Turkey, Black " "Bush, and grain alcohol. Hangs out in neighborhood bars and tries to pick " "up MOTAS by drinking longshoremen under the table." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>IDIOT:</i> Reads Time and Newsweek—and <b>believes</b> them. " "Drinks Jagermeister. Tries to pick up close blood relations—often " "succeeds, producing next generation of idiots." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "1992 Presidential Election:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Clinton, but only because he liked Gore's book." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only because he " "liked Tipper." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>MANIAC:</i> Frank Zappa." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>IDIOT:</i> Perot." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "1996 Presidential Election:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Richard Stallman — Larry Wall." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Nixon — Buchanan." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>IDIOT:</i> Quayle." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "Compound System Administrators:" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL FASCIST:</i> Hacks kernel & writes a horde of scripts to " "prevent folk from ever using more than their fair share of system " "resources. Resulting overhead and load brings system to its knees." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL MANIAC:</i> Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring the " "system, but are actually encrypting large lists of passwords. Uses nearby " "nodes as beta test sites for worms." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>TECHNICAL IDIOT:</i> Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner or later do " "<code>rm -rf /</code>." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "" "<i>FASCISTIC MANIAC:</i> At first hint of cracker incursions, whether real " "or imagined, shuts down system by triggering water-on-the-brain detectors " "and Halon system." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>FASCISTIC IDIOT:</i>" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li><pre> #, no-wrap msgid "# cp /dev/null /etc/passwd\n" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <ul><li> msgid "<i>MANIACAL IDIOT:</i> Napalms the CPU." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "—Stephan Zielinski" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "—Submitted by <b>Durval Menezes</b>" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "" "This joke is also available in <a " "href=\"/fun/jokes/know.your.sysadmin.txt\">plain text</a>." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "<a href=\"/fun/humor.html\">Other humor</a> in the GNU Humor Collection." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <h4> msgid "Disclaimer" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "" "The joke on this page was obtained from the FSF's <a " "href=\"http://lists.gnu.org/\">email archives</a> of the GNU Project." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <p> msgid "The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this joke." msgstr "" #. TRANSLATORS: Use space (SPC) as msgstr if you don't have notes. #. type: Content of: <div> msgid "*GNUN-SLOT: TRANSLATOR'S NOTES*" msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <div><p> msgid "" "Please send FSF & GNU inquiries to <a " "href=\"mailto:gnu@gnu.org\"><gnu@gnu.org></a>. There are also <a " "href=\"/contact/\">other ways to contact</a> the FSF." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <div><p> msgid "" "Please send broken links and other corrections or suggestions to <a " "href=\"mailto:webmasters@gnu.org\"><webmasters@gnu.org></a>." msgstr "" #. type: Content of: <div><p> msgid "" "Please see the <a " "href=\"/server/standards/README.translations.html\">Translations README</a> " "for information on coordinating and submitting translations of this article." msgstr "" #. TRANSLATORS: Use space (SPC) as msgstr if you don't want credits. #. type: Content of: <div><div> msgid "*GNUN-SLOT: TRANSLATOR'S CREDITS*" msgstr "" #. timestamp start #. type: Content of: <div><p> msgid "Updated:" msgstr ""