Physical Xmodmap, or The Dvorak Typewriter Hack

Ingredients: Old typewriter, propane torch, matches, solder (optional)

Melt type elements off of typewriter with propane torch. They should retain a coating of solder. Rearrange keycaps (on my Dart model, the keycaps could be popped on and off very easily, YMMV). Reheat and replace type elements in new configuration. Use extra solder if desired.

Disclaimer: These instructions are provided for your amusement only. OK, maybe they aren't laugh-out-loud funny, but they should at least induce a wry smile among seasoned Xmodmap users and/or typewriter enthusiasts.